About UsMy name is Kristina, and my husband is Allen. It was 2003 when we came into each other's lives. I was just a girl....and he was just a boy (and a handsome boy at that which was just a bonus). We met through a mutual friend in both our home town in Orange County, CA, and we've been inseparable ever since. I never knew at the time, but this boy would forever change my life over the years to come. I quickly had that feeling that I couldn't live without him, and the thought of it tore my heart apart. In my heart I knew it would be a forever journey....but never did I know what sort of journey we would have in store for us. Friendship and love grew quickly, and soon it became apparent that we were growing up together as adults, as man and woman. In 2006, surrounded by our dearest family members and friends, we said our goodbyes to our home in southern CA and began our new journey together to live in the Midwest....suburbs of Chicago. Thanksgiving day in 2008 he proposed, and in May of 2009 we said our "I do's". Our journey all started here.....
|
Our Fertility Journey |
Lets back up a bit to my younger years, before my husband walked into my life. I never had a regular period cycle since I was a little girl.....like ever. I would be lucky to get period once or twice a year. Now without a period, there's no ovulation or lack there of. I never thought that anything was wrong with me, this was always normal for me. So now going into us trying to conceive, it was late 2009 we began "trying". In early 2011, it became apparent something wasn't right.....I wasn't yet pregnant, how could that be....we've used zero protection. I decided to seek help from my regular gynecologist, and she put me on clomid (a fertility medication to help bring on ovulation) - my body gave no response. After a few cycles of clomid and no response, she informed me there was nothing further that she could help me with and referred me to a fertility doctor in the area (one she herself personally had used and has one miracle of her own to prove it - a perfect little boy).
I quickly made my appointment with the fertility doctor, and was becoming extremely excited about what was in store for us. I soon began to jump the gun on baby fever: thinking of baby names, registering for the cutest things for a baby, what the nursery would look like, and all the fun stuff a mother-to-be would think about. These thoughts were merely a reality that was far out of my grasp at the time, but my heart was telling me they were so close - naive right? After all of our pre fertility screening (basically every blood and internal test that is known to man under the sun), my husband and I were cleared to start our very first fertility session with an IUI (intrauterine insemination) cycle in early 2012. The doctor had me on a higher dose of clomid for our first IUI, and our first negative result (BFN - big fat negative) came shortly after. I thought to myself "I'm a big girl who lets things roll off my shoulders right? Kristina....you got this". Then came my second & third BFN's....I was beginning to wonder "Is there something seriously wrong with me, why isn't this happening?". The doctor then put me on injectable medication that I myself administer into my belly each night (these are fun let me tell you - NOT....but for me it was a step in the right direction, a step closer to our miracle). A forth, fifth, and sixth BFN came after. I was drained, felt drug through the mud, felt I was letting my husband and our family down, and my once positive attitude turned negative quick. I became jealous of others with a growing baby bump even though those thoughts were unimaginable....."why not me?" I would think every single day, "what have I done to bring this upon myself?". In late 2012, a miracle happened in my seventh cycle - a faint second line on a stick. I was in shock, and it was hard to say what emotions I had at that exact moment. It was faint so I didn't want to believe it - was my brain and heart imagining this line.....but there it was - a second line. I had to quickly text a photo of my test to dear friend who had struggles herself to get reassurance of belief that is was real, and soon a blood test confirmed I was pregnant. Quickly in the days to come I knew something wasn't right, I felt like I couldn't be happy about the miracle growing inside of me - something was off. Soon an ultrasound confirmed my worst nightmare.....an ectopic pregnancy (tubal pregnancy). I can't actually express in words the feeling it is to see a little tiny perfect miracle growing only an inch away from where it needs to be - literally just an inch. I mean, now days they replace hearts and other major organs in people....why couldn't they just move our perfect little miracle out of the tube and into my uterus only an inch away from where it needs to be? I began to cry uncontrollably as they administered Methotrexate immediately into my body to help naturally dissolve the pregnancy (Methotrexate is a chemotherapy drug used to fight off cancers - but it will also help you naturally miscarry). Now in my head I knew that the doctors were helping me....a tubal can be life threatening to me. However in my heart I was devastated and felt violated in some manner that they were harming our perfect little miracle inside of me.....one I only saw moments ago on an ultrasound screen living inside of me with a beating little heart. The next couple weeks were ultimately too devastating, and my husband and I together made the decision to take a break from fertility. After all, fertility is no joke.....is hard to say in the least. The dozens of doctor appointments each month, the medication, the hormones, the emotions, your job not always understanding all the appointments, the people telling you "just don't stress" ( <--that alone makes your blood boil because 99.9% of them have never lived in your shoes for a single day - nor know your story of why it's not happening for you). It was just too overwhelming....a break was necessary and a blessing. In April of 2015, we decided to give IUI another try. After our third IUI (10th all together) we fell pregnant. At 7 weeks and 1 day, it was determined via ultrasound that our little baby wasn't growing anymore and had no heartbeat. We were given three options: surgery to remove the fetus, take a pill to chemically bring on miscarriage, or wait for it to happen naturally. We chose to wait and allow it to happen naturally.....except that didn't happen. At 8 weeks and 1 day, we decided another ultrasound was required for our own closure which in return confirmed that the pregnancy was no longer viable. I took the medication to chemically bring on miscarriage. We were devastated. We decided however that this was not the end for us. We immediately met with our doctor and decided to move to the next step after 10 failed IUI's - IVF. We also started to see an acupuncturist once a week for fertility. In December 2015, we had our egg retrieval for IVF. 17 eggs were retrieved, of the 17 - 12 were good to fertilize. After fertilization 11 survived the beginning process, and 6 made it to our frozen "storage" for embryo transfer. On February 10th, 2016 our embryo transfer was scheduled, and we transferred one perfect little embryo. On February 15th, we tested positive on a home pregnancy test, and on the 19th our pregnancy was confirmed by a blood test. ***2017 Update: We had a tough pregnancy, which is told in detail throughout the blog. Our son was born at 36 weeks on September 30th, 2016. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU, but is home, healthy, & the happiest little boy ever. We're over the moon and filled with so much joy. Our infertility journey is not yet over though, as we do want another child if we can. Infertility is never cured. ***2019 Update: We started trying for baby #2 in January of 2018 with 5 embryos left in frozen storage. We had our first embryo transfer using one embryo in May of 2018 - negative result. We had another embryo transfer using two embryos in July of 2018 - negative result. We had a full mock cycle for ERA testing in September of 2019, and then our final embryo transfer using our last two embryos in November 2018 - positive result. We had a singleton pregnancy for 10 1/2 weeks before losing our final baby to miscarriage (reason unknown - but pathology stated the fetus was perfectly fine). We have chosen not to move forward with anymore fertility treatment. Our reasoning is #1: the toll it takes on physically and emotionally & #2: Cost. Fertility treatment so far has been about $70K out of pocket since we began our journey. We get to give all of our love to our miracle Colton, even if a sibling isn't a part of that plan. We're still the luckiest parents in the world to have him. |