8-3-2012

A day I'll never forget.....  I woke up on the morning on August 3rd, 2012, and was super excited for my Dr. Appointment later that morning.  I was hopefully going to be seeing our babies heartbeat for the first time, and I couldn't wait - it.  Little did I know, that this day would change things for me emotionally forever.  As I laid there on the table during my ultrasound, I had this feeling come over me that something was incredibly wrong.  Time seemed to drag on for what seemed like forever, as the ultrasound tech searched for our little tiny miracle in my uterus.  She finally stopped, and then pointed out our beautiful little babies heartbeat......but it wasn't thriving in the uterus - it was in my right tube.  As she explained to me the severity of the situation, I was immediately devastated.  The tears were uncontrollable....and the question as to "why?" was overwhelming.  I couldn't stop thinking that this was supposed to be a happy day, why was this happening to us?  We had been trying for so long at this point, and finally had success - and in that moment it was being ripped away.  I was immediately treated with medication to where my body would reject the fetus.  It was one of the most terrifying un-natural things I've ever had to do.
I'm sharing this today because I think it's important for me to remember this little miracle that was given to us for a short moment of time.  I shed tears this morning as I thought about this loss, our second loss (which the year anniversary is next week), our entire journey thus far, and our baby boy growing inside of me at this very moment which I'm forever thankful for.  We have two little angels to remember, and as a mother I feel it's very important to not forget them.  I think it's very important for everyone to remember their own loss similar to this situation, and know that it's okay to mourn - it's human nature and perfectly healthy.