Waiting On Our Miracle
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"Be Thankful..."

4/13/2017

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So much time has passed since I’ve given an update on our little miracle, and I apologize for that.  However, today I’m not writing an update about our Colton.  I promise I’ll share how he is doing another time (he is healthy and that’s all I can dream of).  Today I’m writing about a family dear to my heart, and their story:
 
I cannot pretend to understand what this family is going through.  I have suffered similar fate, but not remotely close to what they are enduring.  I’ve lost babies to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, or seeing a little heartbeat and then finding out that little heart stopped only a short time later.  What this family is experiencing is very different.  She got to spend almost 24 weeks with them growing inside of her.  She got to feel these little miracles make movement inside her belly.  She labored and delivered them.  They breathed the same air that their parents breathed.   They took their last breathe in the arms of their parents.  They got to touch, kiss, and physically love on those little miracles before they grew their angel wings.
 
I remember when this couple announced they were pregnant – and with TWINS (Baby A being a boy & Baby B being a girl).  Pure joy was my reaction, I couldn’t have been happier for them – they deserved this so much.  I know the struggle they endured prior to finally getting pregnant with their twins, this was dear to my heart as I shared that same pain suffering infertility for many years.  I also shared in their joy with every picture she posted on social media of her belly, such an amazing beautiful smile she had in every photo – her happiness shown through each one.  They've been amazing parents from the moment they saw two pink lines.  When it is said that a pregnant woman “glows”, well this woman epitomized that.  I admire this woman.  I admire her more today then yesterday, and will admire her more tomorrow then today. 
 
The moment I read her post on social media of what had happened last week, was immediate heartbreak and pain for me.  I had just woken up and was holding my 6 month old son for his morning bottle.  I opened my phone and the very first post on my feed was hers, giving a heartbreaking update on their pregnancy.  At only 23 1/2 weeks, her water broke.  She gave birth to their son who after a few short breaths, had passed - he was 1 lb 6 ozs.  Two days later she again went into labor and gave birth to their daughter who was fighting for her life in the NICU and just a tiny 1 lb 7 ozs.  I immediately felt sorrow, I sobbed there holding my son tight.  I then felt guilt - guilt to be holding my little baby boy and they’ve just lost theirs.  Their little girl at that moment was still fighting for her life in the NICU at only 24 weeks gestation.  Once being a NICU Mama (on a much different level), I sort of knew the challenges ahead for them was not going to be easy, let alone having strength for their little girl after just losing their little boy.  My heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest.   After I cried for a long time, I decided I needed to stay positive for them and pray.  I don’t pray often, God and I had a falling out sometime during the middle my infertility over the years, but I knew I needed to put my pride aside and pray now for them.  I prayed for that little girl fighting every second for her life.  I prayed for Mom & Dad, and the rest of the family to stay strong for her, despite the loss they were enduring at the same time.  I prayed for that little baby boy, who grew his angel wings and was watching down on his family.  It was only a few days later that their baby girl lost her fight with life, and grew her angel wings as well.  She was now reunited with her brother.  I was and still am devastated from the news – my heart hurts so bad, I couldn't imagine what they are feeling....I couldn’t fathom it.  I prayed.  I prayed hard - for strength & healing for Mom & Dad, and family.  I prayed for the Twins who were watching over them, knowing they’ll now forever be their angel babies watching over them.
 
I can’t help but share how strong this woman is.  Yesterday she shared a beautiful picture of her kissing her little baby girl in the NICU.  Sharing a very raw moment she wrote: “I miss her so much, and there aren’t even words for how heartbroken I am.  It took me a while to get pregnant, and it was so hard on me, so when I finally got pregnant I was thankful every moment for my miracles.  To anyone out there who is pregnant and is having undesirable symptoms…be thankful for them, I would honestly give anything to still be pregnant with my twins and experiencing even the worst symptoms.  To the new parents who are at their wits end because they are so tired and their baby won’t stop crying…be thankful that your baby’s lungs are healthy, I would give anything for my twins to be crying with healthy lungs.  To the parents who are frustrated because their kids are being brats…be thankful for them even on their worst days.  Hug your kids a little tighter and realize how lucky you are.” – REALITY CHECK.  I remember prior to my son and going through infertility & my own loss, thinking this exact same thing.  I also shared a similar post on social media in regards.  I think every parent is guilty of it at one time or another, but please remember that there are people who would give anything to be in our shoes as a parent – I was once one of them so I know this first hand.  Be thankful for your little miracles - even in the hardest of times.  Remember, the things you take for granted, someone else is praying for. 
 
I ask this one last thing, please pray for this family.  Please keep them in your hearts & thoughts to have strength.  Pray the continue to grow strong together in love.  Please pray that a rainbow will shine for them.
 
“They’re in the sun,
the wind, the rain,
they’re in the air you
breathe with every
breath you take.
They sing a song
of hope and cheer,
there’s no more pain,
no more fear.
You’ll see them in
the clouds above,
hear the whisper
words of love, you’ll
be together before
long, until then
listen for their song.”

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    Me In A Nutshell

    My name is Kristina and I'm 37.  Originally I'm a Southern CA girl, and I'm now living in  the "burbs" of Chicago.  I love my son, my husband, my family, my fur babies, and my wonderful friends.  I love wine, love to relax, love to have a good time, I'm a little adventurous, love to people watch, and I'm always down for a last minute road trip to virtually anywhere. I'm obsessed with the smell of racing fuel...weird I know - and fresh cut grass! I love to be home, but hate to sit at the house. If I'm excited I get pretty random - sometimes I talk about multiple subjects at once - I'll admit it's probably hard to keep up.  My husband and I battled infertility for 5 years before having a successful pregnancy - our son Colton Charles was born September 30th, 2016, Although we have had success with the birth of Colton, our battle still continues with infertility.  I've learned it's a wonderful & beautiful thing to share with others the journey that we've walked in the world of infertility.  Welcome to our story.

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