Decisions, decisions....

I've been on the fence about this entry for a few days, but I decided to break the cardinal "12 week wait" rule, and get it all out there now.  On Wednesday the 22nd, we found out that we are pregnant.  Today I'm exactly five weeks and petrified to have something bad happen.  My decision of "airing out the laundry" so to speak was basically why I started this blog to begin with.....to be  an open book about our infertility journey.  I know that either way good or bad, I'll share the news because it's all apart of this path we're on.  Inside I'm scared.....extremely scared of something to go wrong.  The thought of devastation is something I don't want to relive again - nobody should ever have to live that, but there are women and couples that live it every single day.  Since the 22nd, I've had blood draws to test my HCG levels:  Here they are (normal rates should double every 48-72 hours):

Beta 1 July 22 (exactly 4 weeks) : 69.6
Beta 2 July 24 (48 hours later):  155
Beta 3 July 27 (72 hours later):  375
Beta 4 July 29 (48 hours later - exactly 5 weeks):  650

Now even though the I'm being told that my numbers are good and rising steadily, I can't help but google (yes I know it's the devil), to see what everyone else's "average" rates are.  I'm finding that mine are fairly low - meaning some people are high in the thousands already.  However, I need to quit doing that because it's driving me nuts and likely causing me to stress....which isn't good.  The thought of not knowing if everything is okay NOW....and control is out of my hands, it unimaginable......leaving me impatient like no other.  Staying calm and positive is the only thing I can possibly do, and trust me it's not easy.

So what happens from here?  Well we're cautiously optimistic and continuing to stay positive.....and thankful for the blessing we've been given each day that it remains.  We have an ultrasound on Monday (we'll be 5 weeks & 5 days), and a lot will be determined good or bad during that time.  So keep us on your prayer list and hope and wish for the best for us......the 3 of us are currently hanging in there and need all the positive vibes you can give.  XO