We began our journey a few months back for our miracle #2 baby, using 1 of our 5 frozen embryos. This round of IVF started on 4/26, with an embryo transfer date of 5/15, and a blood pregnancy test to be performed on 5/25. In case you’re unfamiliar with IVF and the intense schedule of medicine, ultrasounds, & blood tests that it comes with it, let me describe my journey over the past month. I’ve endured 5 vaginal ultrasounds, 6 blood tests, 23 abdominal injections of hormones that I administered myself, 17 vaginal suppositories of progesterone, 17 intramuscular injections of progesterone oil in my rear with a ginormous needle - also administered myself (unless my husband was home which was about half the time), 25 estrogen patches in total on my abdomen, a total of 30 baby aspirin, daily prenatal, & once a week acupuncture (twice on transfer week). The embryo transfer itself isn’t the most comfortable procedure, but the excitement of possibility overshadows the fact that there’s about 5 people looking at your vagina, your insides, and let’s be honest here….it’s a painful process to have a catheter jammed through your cervix into your uterus. We got to see our “Embaby” (embryo) before it was inserted into the catheter, and that was a beautiful site to hold on to.
The photo is of our perfect little Embaby that was transferred on May 15th. 5 days after the transfer, I cheated – I took an at home pregnancy test hoping for two lines, but only one appeared. I had figured since I had tested positive 5 days after with Colton it would surely appear to be positive already, but it was early still so I remained positive. I tested again on the 6th day, then the 7th day, again on the 8th day, and finally the 9th day. By this time I was grasping for hope, but I knew the chances were now so slim.....deep down I knew my womb was empty. This morning I went in to have my blood drawn for the pregnancy test, and then patiently waited 6 hours for that phone call to confirm what I had already known deep down. Even though mentally I set myself up for failure, the pain of actually hearing the truth from my doctor was a lot harder then I could have ever imagined. I cried….I cried a lot. Our little Embaby didn’t make it…..and there’s no reason as to why, it just didn’t happen this time for us. Since I’m already a parent this time around (which is a new feeling going through fertility), I didn’t really know how I was going to react, but I never imagined it would hurt just as bad as the times before Colton was in our lives, if not worse because this was an actual embryo I already consider myself a parent to. Please don’t get me wrong, Colton is everything we could have ever dreamed of, but we now dream of adding another miracle to our family. Does that make us selfish? I know there are so many couples wishing to have the one thing we have already– just one miracle. None the less, it hurts. Infertility hurts…..it hurts physically, and the mental pain is unimaginable.
So what happens from here? I end all medication I'm currently on for this cycle, and I'll start my period within 3-4 days. So next week I'll begin a new cycle, and a new journey towards our Miracle #2 Baby....new blood tests, new ultrasounds, new meds, & new beginnings. The only thing to do now is grieve this weekend about the loss, have some wine, and start fresh next week. The only thing left to question now with having 4 frozen embryos left: Do we transfer 1 or 2 embryos this time?
Me In A Nutshell
My name is Kristina and I'm 37. Originally I'm a Southern CA girl, and I'm now living in the "burbs" of Chicago. I love my son, my husband, my family, my fur babies, and my wonderful friends. I love wine, love to relax, love to have a good time, I'm a little adventurous, love to people watch, and I'm always down for a last minute road trip to virtually anywhere. I'm obsessed with the smell of racing fuel...weird I know - and fresh cut grass! I love to be home, but hate to sit at the house. If I'm excited I get pretty random - sometimes I talk about multiple subjects at once - I'll admit it's probably hard to keep up. My husband and I battled infertility for 5 years before having a successful pregnancy - our son Colton Charles was born September 30th, 2016, Although we have had success with the birth of Colton, our battle still continues with infertility. I've learned it's a wonderful & beautiful thing to share with others the journey that we've walked in the world of infertility. Welcome to our story.