I'm a little late on this post - NIAW started 3 days ago. However Mother Nature threw a wrench into my week by sending Aunt Flow my way (and at the start of NIAW - ironic?). This was my first cycle since my miscarriage in January, and it has been quite possibly my worst cycle ever. Not only physically, but extremely emotionally. I'm still emotionally broken from the miscarriage, and I'm still trying to come to terms that my son will be an only child....no sibling(s), which makes me feel like I've forever failed him some way, as well as my husband. I cried seeing my OB yesterday because the last time I saw him I was in that same office with my fetus in a little Tiffany box. It made me uncomfortable to sit in a waiting room with so many expecting mothers and with their growing bellies waiting for the same doctor to perform checkups on their little ones. I'm surrounded by pregnancy announcements (many of them being first time mothers with me when I was pregnant with Colton, and now they're moving forward expanding their family once more and I'm not able to). It seems as though everyone around me is pregnant including some of my closest friends & even 3 of my neighbors. I open social media every day and see all of the bellies growing, wishing it were my own. Here's my point - even though I am a mother of a beautiful miracle, infertility is a disease that is not cured. Colton was the first embryo of 6 that we had. Our remaining 5 embryos are all now angel babies. It's not just about having a miscarriage back in January, it's about not being able to have children anymore. Infertility is an awful disease to fight.....and I'm blessed to have won a battle just once - his name is Colton, and he's our perfect little miracle. However this doesn't erase all of my pain of loss that I've endured through infertility treatment before and after becoming a mother.
8 years, 100's of medications, 10 failed IUI's, 1 ectopic, 3 miscarriages, 1 egg retrieval, 6 beautiful embryos, 1 embryo transfer = our miracle Colton, 4 more embryo transfers, 1 more positive pregnancy test resulting in another miscarriage at 10 1/2 weeks in January 2019 with our very last embryo, an ocean of tears and heartache......giving up. My infertility journey ends here, but SO many others journey is happening RIGHT NOW, or maybe it hasn't yet begun. The fact is, we may have beat infertility, but it’s an incurable disease that effects every 1 in 8 couples. 15% of couples struggle to become a family…..15% - that’s a staggering number! This means that you likely know someone struggling right now to conceive. It’s not easy for everyone to get pregnant, and the heartache that comes with that is unbearable. Speak up, ask questions, educate yourself on the topic. To those on their own infertility journey right now – I’m talking to all you TTC Sisters, don’t give up! You have more heart & soul then anyone I know. You are so strong & amazing, keep up the good fight! There’s a rainbow at the end of your tunnel…..just believe!
Me In A Nutshell
My name is Kristina and I'm 37. Originally I'm a Southern CA girl, and I'm now living in the "burbs" of Chicago. I love my son, my husband, my family, my fur babies, and my wonderful friends. I love wine, love to relax, love to have a good time, I'm a little adventurous, love to people watch, and I'm always down for a last minute road trip to virtually anywhere. I'm obsessed with the smell of racing fuel...weird I know - and fresh cut grass! I love to be home, but hate to sit at the house. If I'm excited I get pretty random - sometimes I talk about multiple subjects at once - I'll admit it's probably hard to keep up. My husband and I battled infertility for 5 years before having a successful pregnancy - our son Colton Charles was born September 30th, 2016, Although we have had success with the birth of Colton, our battle still continues with infertility. I've learned it's a wonderful & beautiful thing to share with others the journey that we've walked in the world of infertility. Welcome to our story.